franksolich has Thanksgiving dinner with a primitive

[franksolich]

Oh my.

The other week, the neighbor, who lives six miles up the road, stopped by and invited me to two Thanksgiving dinners; one on Thanksgiving Day itself, the other the day after.

He was obviously hoping I would attend both of them--after all, there's not many people in this area of the Sandhills of Nebraska--but I got the sense he really wanted me to come today (Friday), if I wasn't willing to do the Thanksgiving Day thing, too.

Well, no, I wasn't willing to do the Thanksgiving Day thing, but I was curious about this day-after-Thanksgiving event, and so said yes.

The neighbor is a farmer, in his late 30s; some service in the National Guard, a bachelor's degree in economics from the University of Nebraska, and a master's degree in mathematics from Northwestern University in Illinois.

The neighbor's wife is a stay-at-home mother, in her late 20s; an Air Force brat, a bachelor's degree in chemistry from the University of Missouri, and a dental hygiene degree from the University of Nebraska.  She and her husband have three children, twin 4-year-old heiresses and one heir a year old, and a fourth on the way in February.

The neighbors are decent and civilized people, salt of the earth, although she has red hair, and due to some long-forgotten childhood trauma, I've always been nervous about redheads.  She however is very nice, and an expert horsewoman.

The other day, I reminded the neighbor I was coming over the day after Thanksgiving, and asked if anything special might be going on.

Yeah.

It was their turn to take care of Aunt Sunshine, and they were happy I would show up to help.

Aunt Sunshine is an aunt of the neighbor's wife, and is from Kansas City, Missouri.

Every year, someone in the neighbor's wife's family takes care of Aunt Sunshine, and this year, it was the neighbors' turn.  Aunt Sunshine has no family, and apparently has been a trial for others.

But as the neighbor has commented, quoting franksolich's own words, better to pay for one's sins in this life, than in the next.

Aunt Sunshine came up during the middle of the night last night (in between Thursday and Friday), on the bus from Kansas City to Sioux City, where the neighbor picked up his aunt-in-law at the bus depot there, bringing her here in the darkness of night.

When I got to the neighbor's house a little after 11:00 a.m. today, I met Aunt Sunshine.

A short woman in her late 50s, immensely fat and flaccid.  Tattoos on the arms, including one of George Bush superimposed over a swastika. The outer side of her eyes were punctured, from which hung jewelry of some sort.  Some sort of metal poked into her chin.  Clothes reminescent of the 1960s, but a few sizes too small.  Long white-blonde hair all still there, but thinning.  Bracelets with muted spikes.  Pierced ears, one of which held a miniature Stanley screwdriver on a chain.

Body odor definitely not impressive.

Upon learning I am deaf, Aunt Sunshine immediately warmed to me, but then turned ice-cold after learning additionally that I am rock-solid Republican, and think the world of George Bush.

That happens all the time with primitives; they assume franksolich is one of them, a "victim," and go ga-ga.....until they learn franksolich doesn't share the same, uh, values they do, after which they Hate franksolich.

So she ignored me unless spoken to, which was okay with me.

The dinner was of course left-overs from the Thanksgiving feast yesterday, although carefully crafted to look as if this was "the" dinner, so as to flatter Aunt Sunshine.  It however was pretty much a waste of time, because Aunt Sunshine is a vegetarian, and the neighbor's wife spent more time and trouble and expense to suit her tastes, than to feed the whole rest of the family and myself.

I discretely inquired of Aunt Sunshine what she did for a living; much to my nonsurprise, she subsists on social security disability because she's "too depressed" to work.  I then gently inquired of Aunt Sunshine what sort of education she had had, and much to my nonsurprise, she admitted to a couple of years at the University of Missouri, after which she went to some sort of Maharishi Yogi "school" to learn about meditation and serenity.

Aunt Sunshine frankly admitted to having been a hippie during the 1960s, mostly in the deserts of the American south-west.  Then out of the blue, she mentioned she had even spent "a couple of weeks" at the Charles Manson commune.

My ears, if I had ears, perked up.  I inquired if she remembered a certain teenaged girl being there, giving her the name and description of Doug's stupid ex-wife.

No, she couldn't remember, and they were always on drugs anyway.

When she got to reminiscencing about hitch-hiking around the Grand Canyon, I inquired if she had met a certain two characters, giving her the names and descriptions of the lying tits primitive and Chief S itting Bull, the bird-smacking stoned red-faced primitive.

She couldn't remember, it all being a haze to her.

After that, I lost all interest in her, concentrating on the neighbor and the neighbor's wife instead.

The twin daughters were both terrified and fascinated by their great-aunt Sunshine, either staring open-mouthed or lifting the tablecloth to hide themselves.  The year-old heir, in his baby-chair, gurgled and guggled in laughter, especially when his relative probed the inside of her nose with her finger.  But then when she looked directly at him, he started to cry.

I did notice apparently the words "please" and "thank you" are not in the vocabulary of Aunt Sunshine.

We had pie, and then I took my leave; the neighbor is to drive Aunt Sunshine back to the bus depot in Sioux City about five this evening, when it starts getting dark again.

[crockspot]

LOL, sounds like you ate with Mari666.

Did at any point you ask "what is your DU name?"

[Traveshamockery]

Come on Frank - did you ask Aunt Sunshine what her name at the DUmp is? 

[franksolich]

Come on Frank - did you ask Aunt Sunshine what her name at the DUmp is? 

She had bad teeth.

Because of the peculiarity of my situation, where I have to look at people's mouths so as to know what they're saying, it was a turn-off, and so I didn't ask too many questions.

[franksolich]

An excerpt of this cross-posted at

http://www.freerepublic.c...chat/2395551/posts?page=1

if anyone's interested in additional comments.

[Karin]

That's quite a story, Frank!  That should help in your anthropological studies of the primitives.  

Upon learning I am deaf, Aunt Sunshine immediately warmed to me, but then turned ice-cold after learning additionally that I am rock-solid Republican

.

This reminded me of learning about my ex-husband's new girlfriend.  I babysat my dog at his house, while he was away, last weekend, 5 hours from my current home.  Snooping, I noticed vegan food in the freezer, "green" cleaning chemicals under the sink, a Buddha in the garden, and tantric sex manuals on the bookshelves.  A moonbat!  I also learned that for a living, she does fundraising for non-profits (ACORN?)  He is a Republican, how can she stand him?  Well, he gets a pass from her and her friends because he grew up in the middle east and has a funny name, similar to Barack Hussein Obama.  

I know, TMI.  

[chris_]

Wow.  Its like having David Attenborough or Dr. Livingstone in the neighborhood.  I'd ask if you took any samples, but I wouldn't want to get too close to Aunt Sunshine either.
 

[debk]

Frank....maybe you could spend New Year's Eve with Auntie Sunshine? 









  sorry I couldn't resist!

[miskie]

I'm tickled pink by how inappropriate Auntie Sunshine's name is - Reading franks description leads me to believe that the only thing With a warm yellow-orange glow about them are her teeth.

[franksolich]

I'm tickled pink by how inappropriate Auntie Sunshine's name is - Reading franks description leads me to believe that the only thing With a warm yellow-orange glow about them are her teeth.

That was about it.

I kidded the neighbor about how this was going to keep his wife away from the "Black Friday" sales--but she hadn't planned on doing that anyway--because of their attempts to keep Aunt Sunshine indoors, out of public view, until it's time to take her to the bus station.

[FGL]

Wow.

Jabba the Hut has a hippy sister, who knew?

Great story as always Frank

[GOBUCKS]

I believe the neighbor down the road, being aware of coach's  penchant for leftward-leaning cooze, was playing the matchmaker. It's unlikely DUmmy TLB, or DUmmy NikkiStone, in real life, are any more succulent morsels than Aunt Jabba.

And coach protests too much, I suspect he's already checked Orbitz for Sioux City hotels.

[franksolich]

The neighbor came here after dropping of Aunt Sunshine at the bus depot way over east of here, in Sioux City, for her ride back to Kansas City.

He read my comments, and said I left a lot out, but of course I couldn't grasp all that was being said anyway, among seven people.  Apparently Aunt Sunshine is rather loquacious.....and critical.

He says Aunt Sunshine is 59 years old, a daughter of an older sister of the neighbor's wife's mother.  She did in fact attend the University of Missouri for a couple of years, and then dropped out when she switched her major to marijuana.

Apparently when younger, Aunt Sunshine was rather good-looking, but majoring in marijuana changed all that, especially after she went into graduate work in the hard drugs.

Aunt Sunshine, besides roaming around the American southwest--that part, I got--also went around much of Canada and the upper half of Mexico, during the 1960s and early 1970s, where she was used and abused by hippie men.  She was a member of "probably at least half a dozen" flower-children communes.

Her mind addled by drugs and the hippie life-style, she was eventually committed to an insane asylum for a few years, and since then has dwelt in halfway houses down in Kansas City.  For more than twenty years.

The reason of her coming late at night, and then leaving late at night, is twofold: she alleges to be a "night person," but more realistically, her "leave" from a halfway house restricts her; in this case, to 36 hours.  If she doesn't check back in time, she gets into trouble with the parole and mental-health people.

The neighbor's wife has mixed feelings about Aunt Sunshine; the family tie, but then and again, that the neighbor's wife is too young to have known Aunt Sunshine when Aunt Sunshine was young and good-looking.

Aunt Sunshine was explained to the 4-year-old twin daughters--the one-year-old heir being too young--as someone for whom God compells one to feel pity, but demands that one show only formal courtesy, not affection.  If one can by sheer chance or accident genuinely like her, great; but if not, no big deal, just so the formal courtesy is there.

Aunt Sunshine has been in and out of hospitals several times--a few times for attempts at suicide, but more times because she is just plain unhealthy, and gulps down pharmaceuticals, licit and illicit, as if popcorn.  She is not expected to be much longer in this world, given her gross state.

It's all very sad, the neighbor says, but what can one do?

[Tucker]

I take it that the neighbor husband/wife are conservatives. Is this correct?

BTW. Great story.

[franksolich]

I take it that the neighbor husband/wife are conservatives. Is this correct?

BTW. Great story.

Absolutely.

Up here on the roof of Nebraska is deep red territory, even though the neighbor's wife nor I were raised here (the neighbor was).